Format: 

Blu-ray

Directed by: 

Stephen Sommers

Publisher: 

Paramount

Release Date: 

11.03.2009

MSRP: 

$39.99

Number of Discs: 

2

Digital Copy: 

Yes

The Movie

So many action-based movies spend too much time on things other than action. It's like the filmmakers want to make an action movie, but they can't come up with a plot that accommodates action, so they waste screen time veering the plot through numerous routes, each which eventually lead to some action that ultimately feels forced, generic, and not worth the trip. Where these films fail, G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra succeeds. This is a movie that doesn't care if it makes sense -- it doesn't even care if it is at times laughable -- because it knows why its viewers have come: to see good guys pull crazy-awesome stunts while fighting bad guys that also do crazy-awesome stunts.

It all takes place "in the not too distant future," in which the Military Armament Research Syndicate (MARS), a weapons manufacturer headed by a pseudo-mad scientist named James Destro, has developed a warhead loaded with very hungry nanomachines. Upon impact, the nanomachines quickly consume whatever they are shot at, spreading the whole time onto nearby objects. They replicate perpetually until their kill switch is activated, at which point they cease instantaneously. Their potential for destruction is virtually limitless. One very sinister man is behind Destro's production of this weapon, though, and he eventually steals the warheads back for purposes entailing mass destruction. Now it's up to the world's most elite soldiers, the G.I. Joes, to stop him.

The plot is constructed perfectly to allow the most amount of action. Early on in the film, there is an assault on the caravan transporting the warheads, but Destro's soldiers don't manage to get them. This leaves the opportunity open for a raid on the G.I. Joes' hidden base, which the writers wisely use. Soon after that there is a chase scene through Paris, as the Joes try to stop the MARS soldiers from destroying the Eiffel Tower. Later there's a raid on the enemy base and much more. Each of these scenes is protracted, providing plenty of fun to hold us over until the next round. In-between, there is just enough time to breathe and then get started again. And even during these breathers, there is often a little action thrown in, just for good measure.

Something you may be catching on to is that there are also a lot of things in this film that don't make sense. How exactly do the nanomachines manage to replicate themselves, and how do they do it so quickly while also consuming metal in mass quantities? How do the metal-armored soldiers at the beginning of the film withstand gunshots and explosions without even being knocked off balance? Isn't it a coincidence that the two main characters are discovered by the G.I. Joes immediately before they are needed the most, and they also happen to score as two of the very best soldiers the military outfit has ever seen? And who would carry a sword to a gunfight, even if you are a master ninja? The thing is, none of this matters because the action itself, no matter how nonsensical, is more than enough to entertain the viewer with the right expectations. After all, who in the world is going to watch G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra expecting it to be an intellectually engaging film? That, my friends, would be dumber than the prospect of a man's face being turned into metal by nanomachines (which happens in this movie).

Honestly, I think that many viewers' opinions of The Rise of Cobra will depend entirely on what kind of mood they are in when they see it. I could probably keep ninety-nine percent of this review as is, tweak what is left, and immediately turn it into a negative assessment, bashing the movie at every turn. Indeed, for all the positive things I have to say about it, I would struggle to call The Rise of Cobra a "good" movie. I would prefer the term "fun," which can at times be exactly what you want. The movie does everything it seeks to do, it does it full-force, and it does it with no regrets. The Rise of Cobra is mindless action at its best, fully embracing both its action and its mindlessness.

Click here to read our full review of G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra.