I wonder how a director of a Godzilla movie does not understand that if there is a long period of time during which our favorite giant lizard or one of his gargantuan co-stars isn't on the screen, something damn interesting better be happening. Case in point: Godzilla 2000. This movie has only a handful of giant monster scenes and is otherwise padded with a lot of silly banter and running around concerning a UFO that has arrived and set itself on top of a skyscraper, a plot point all components of which are completely predictable. A few nice visual strokes and a fairly original final monster showdown are not enough to save this film from its lack of both substance and action.

How many times have we seen this one: Godzilla has surfaced and an alien has arrived at the same time. After a brief scuffle between the two about a third of the way through the film, you're going to have to say goodbye to Big G because he's gonna take a break for the entire middle portion. During this time, Crisis Control Intelligence (CCI), a sort of military unit charged with the task of fighting off (and hopefully killing) Godzilla, and the Godzilla Prediction Network (GPN), a father-daughter-run outfit that tracks the monster so as to predict his comings and to study him in general (as well as, apparently, other giant phenomena), set out to destroy the alien's spacecraft (from which the alien has not yet emerged), and to figure out what it is trying to accomplish until Godzilla finally returns to take the visitor head-on.

This movie has one of those scenes where the military sends everything it has at Godzilla, confident they can destroy him this time. This is a staple of the semi-serious entries in the Godzilla franchise, but it is dragged out for far too long. We first watch Godzilla swimming shark-style among exploding underwater mines, then he surfaces, then about a dozen or so helicopters fire missiles at him, then a dozen or so tanks fire their cannons at him, then a dozen or so mobile missile-launchers fire special new anti-armor missiles that are guaranteed to kill him, then half a dozen jets attack him with their missiles, and finally the protagonist spacecraft shows up, mercifully putting an end to the futility and monotony of watching missiles hit Godzilla while he yells angrily. Let me lay down a few Godzilla truisms here: It is fun watching Godzilla destroy cities. It is fun watching Godzilla fight other monsters. It is not fun watching Godzilla stand there playing target dummy for minutes on end. Any one of the above mentioned missile-firing means alone would have established Godzilla's imperviousness just fine.

Thinking it can best Godzilla with a new missile is not the only mistake the CCI makes. The leader of the group, Mitsuo Katagiri, a character whose performance is seventy-five-percent-comprised of angry glares, says that the electromagnetic cables the CCI uses to hold the UFO in the water (why does them being electromagnetic make them stronger?) will definitely not break. Guess what happens. He later declares that the weapons used to try to destroy the same UFO as it sits on the skyscraper will do the trick. Guess what happens. Anybody who has seen a Godzilla film will already know how all of these attempts to kill the giant menaces will turn out. I suppose that is part of the joke, but any joke becomes annoying when it is told multiple times in succession.

Practically the entire middle portion of the film is spent building up the mystery of what the UFO is planning to do and how the CCI is going to get rid of it, but since this is a Godzilla movie, we already know that the UFO is going to end up doing whatever it wants and that "whatever it wants" is going to be some sort of catastrophic act of aggression. The waiting time, therefore, is for naught; instead of being anxious to see what happens, we're irritated that we have to wait for the fun to begin. It also doesn't help that Godzilla goes AWOL during this time, I guess so as not to steal the spotlight. I wish he would have been more greedy, or more hungry.

There are two good things about this movie: the first of these is the visualization of Godzilla. He looks bigger and meaner than ever, partly because his size in some scenes actually is bigger than ever. During his first rampage, the miniature sets are made even more miniature than usual, giving Godzilla a stature more monstrous than it is the rest of the time. It is a perfect portrayal of his dominance, an enormous monster absolutely towering over even the largest buildings, walking over the city as if it were nothing. And the distant shots of this scene with red fog behind him make it even better. My only disapproval with the title monster in this film is that they changed his color from gray to green (yes, he had never been green before now). Maybe it's just me, but I don't mind minor alterations to his spine plates (which are massive as ever, here) or even to his face, but there is something sacred about his color. I wish, perhaps for old times' sake, that it had remained gray.

The other good part of the movie is the final battle between Godzilla and Orga, the inhabitant of the UFO (whose name is mentioned only in the copyright information after the credits). There are some moves here that are truly original, which is a difficult thing to achieve in a giant monster battle. One of these is the alien's first method of attacking Godzilla: shooting tendrils that travel through the ground, break through it when close enough to Godzilla, and latch onto him, subsequently pulling him over and dragging him helpless through the city. The final blow is also unprecedented, but I will not spoil it here. I'll just say that it is one of the most bizarre endings to a giant monster battle I have seen and is topped off with a rather random sort of victory demonstration that I also will not spoil because it gives away the winner of the fight. What makes this even better is that the fight lasts a while, too. It's not like the climax of Ghidorah: The Three-Headed Monster, in which all the monsters get together for a final hoedown that is over before you can say "missed opportunity." Here we have a satisfying ending to an otherwise boring film.

For me to enjoy a Godzilla movie, it does not have to be good, but it does have to be fun. Godzilla vs. Mechagodzilla is a chief example of this. It has fully transparent special effects, a utterly pointless plot, and an entirely predictable ending. However, it also has two really awesome-looking co-star monsters -- King Caesar and Mechagodzilla (not to mention Anguirus, who is also a fan favorite) -- some very funny fight scenes, and enough blatant stupidity to keep you entertained during the downtime between monster mashes. Godzilla 2000, on the other hand, has a good first attack, followed by boredom, boredom, and more boredom, and finishes off with a competent showdown. Oh yeah, and while the ending is overall satisfying, the very end of the film is ridiculous. A reporter and new member of the GPN, asks why Godzilla keeps protecting the people of Japan against other monsters. Another replies: "Maybe because Godzilla is inside each one of us." What?