When I hear people who grew up during the middle of the twentieth century talk about science fiction, I often hear stories about staying up late at night and sneaking into the living room to watch movies like Creature from the Black Lagoon and Attack of the 50 Ft. Woman (with the volume way down so their parents wouldn't catch them up past bedtime). Every time I hear such reminiscing, I regret that I wasn't born about thirty-five years earlier so that I could have done the same. Don't cry for me, though, because my generation's nighttime programming was blessed with something almost as good: Mystery Science Theater 3000, a feature-length television series in which a guy named Mike Nelson (except for the first half of the series' life) and two robots, Tom Servo and Crow T. Robot, were subject to the torture (or pleasure, for many sci-fi lovers) of watching really, really bad science fiction movies. How do they cope with such torment, you ask? They mercilessly pound each and every one of the movie's flaws with very funny remarks. On screen, you see the movie they are watching, along with the silhouettes of a row of theater seats and our three jokesters sitting in three of them. Some of their witticisms are made in the half-imitation of a character's voice, some of them are directed right at the movie, and all of them are hilarious. ... Well, most of them are. ... Well, most of them on TV were. As a product of MST3K, I am sorry to say that MST3K: The Movie (which follows the exact same structure of the TV show, begging the question as to why this was made a theatrical release and given the subtitle it has) struggles all the way through. My only consolation for you all (and for myself) is that if you make it to the end, it does get a little better.

This time around, our characters are subjected to This Island Earth, which seems like prime material for the guys at MST3K. Sadly, most of the jokes the crew offers are only marginally funny. Many of the comments are interjected in imitation of characters. For example, when the lead female character looks strangely off to the side at one point, one of them says, as if speaking for her, "Ugh, that smell!" At another point, when one of the aliens states that he's switching the ship's display to "normal view," the score escalates, and along with the repeated note progression, all three of our comics repeat "Normal view, normal view, normal VIEW, ..." Then there are incessant jokes in which they try to insinuate a love relationship between main character Dr. Cal Meacham and his male colleague. At times they become desperate, such as when one decides the funniest thing he can do is add snoring noises to a scene. At other times they really force the humor, like when a UFO approaches Earth and one of them says, "You know, I hope they land right on Kenny Loggins." The MST3K team is one that rarely used to let me down. Unfortunately, in their big-screen appearance they do not live up to their reputation.

Another mark against the film is the fact that many of the comments feel obviously scripted, instead of wittily improvised as they are supposed to seem. During one such moment, Tom, Crow, and Mike all begin emulating a tribal chant in perfect unison (and I don't know why, either -- all that's on screen at the time is one of the humanoid aliens). At other times they tell jokes that depend on one of their comrades giving them a response to play back off of. Of course I wouldn't expect the film to be made blindly, with true improvisation only, but it should be much better disguised. I mean, that is the premise of MST3K. Perhaps these particular jokes are a sign that they just couldn't come up with good material for this movie. So, they had to cheat a little, or, rather, they could not hide their cheating as well as usual.

MST3K: The Movie is not without its funny parts, though. My personal favorite is when they parody lines from Casablanca during a scene in which This Island Earth looks, sounds, and feels damn near identical to the final scene of that classic. It comes across as an epiphany; you probably would not notice the similarity on your own, but once they draw attention to it, it seems blatantly obvious. In general, though, the jokes are best when pointing out aspects of the movie's poor quality rather than inserting their own "clever" comments. At one point in This Island Earth, three scientists take a car to try to escape a compound in which they are being held semi-captive. From our comedians, we hear, "Yeah, let's slip away under cover of afternoon in the biggest car in the county." Another good one comes when one of the alien beings tells the main character that two handrails will attract his hands to them because they are magnetic. We hear from our audience: "And if your hands were metal, that would mean something." The MST3K guys do still have the touch, even if it's not always evident.

I think what happened here was that with This Island Earth, the MST3K crew found a movie that is genuinely lacking artistically (though I admit, some aspects of it appeal to me) but that is difficult to make fun of in this manner. I hate to say this, but watching MST3K: The Movie, I can't help feeling like I'm watching a movie with some guy who mistakenly thinks he's hilarious and keeps forcing jokes out because he's sure everyone is loving them. This is such a shame because I have a certain loyalty to the show. At least the dozens of movie-length TV episodes are available on DVD whenever we feel the urge to revisit the MST3K gang. As for this theater release, you're better off skipping it.